Harry I can't
by Eyes-Wide-Open1989
Summary: HPDM!XThe good side depends on the point of view. Harry I can't.X XBut you're as scared as I am.X


A/N: Hello gentle readers! English is not my first language so please be merciful when reading. The spelling shall be OK but the grammar could contain mistakes. And I can't make a difference between AE and BE. I'm sorry!

Disclaimer: The characters and places belong to JKR. Hello? If they'd belong to me it wouldn't be called fanfiction and appear on this site. And I would wear some hot Jimmy Choo Stilettos instead of a pair of cheap sneakers.

Claimer: The plot. It's all mine. YAY. Could I get some Jimmy Choos for that?

I wrote this while listening to Kelly Clarkson's Beautiful Disaster. If you have the song somewhere on your computer, listen to it while reading my FF.

Warning: Slash. Bad language. OK not that bad.

Don't like don't read. Don't say I haven't warned you and don't even think about sending me Flames, kay?

It's kind of sad but on the other hand it's kind of WAFF, I think.

A bit OOC but not much.

!E!N!J!O!Y!Y!O!U!R!S!E!L!F!

Harry, I can't 

EyesWideOpen1989

Harry was tenderly looking at Draco. His boyfriend was about to fall asleep. Draco smiled at Harry.

„I love you so much...Harry..."

Harry smiled. He knew it was true. He kissed him softly on his sweet lips.

„I love you so much it hurts."

„Will we always be together?"

Harry bit on his lip.

„I wish we could..."

Draco grabbed Harry's arm and pulled back in the pillows, next to him. Draco was looking with his deep grey rivers in Harry's emerald eyes and sighed.

„Why is it us, Harry? Why am I a Deatheater and why the hell are you the deliverer of the entire wizarding world? Why are you the light and why am I the pitch black blonde? And why do we need each other so desperately? Tell me, please."

„Hush...sleep my dear."

Draco closed his eyes and fell back in the pillows.

Harry was looking and him. He soaked everything up. Draco's smile, his touch, his blonde lashes.

Time.

They needed time but there was nothing which could give them time.

And they needed so much of it. If you would take the time of every human being, add it up and give it to them it still wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't even be the half of their needs.

The war could break out every day.

Harry was slightly touching the Dark Mark on Draco's arm.

It was fresh. The skin around the black tattoo-like lines which showed a skull with a snake as a tongue was red.

If Harry could just save him. Save Draco from the darkness. Save his already lost soul.

They loved each other so much and there was no chance for them.

It was so wrong what they did but it felt so right.

It had to be right. I needed to be.

It hurt so much lying here in this king size bed in the Room of Requirements and to feel so glad to be with the one you love so incredibly much and to know it could be over forever tomorrow.

Harry didn't know why Draco didn't run away from the Deatheaters and his father.

But maybe it wasn't that easy for him.

Nothing was easy at all.

Harry took the sleeping Draco's hand.

How many people would die through the wand in his hand?

Why didn't Draco just go away? The Order would protect him...he would protect him with all his life, love and soul..

But Draco didn't quit.

Maybe he didn't want to.

Maybe it had to be that way.

Maybe it was their destiny.

Harry wasn't scared of the war.

He was scared of what the war would make him to.

He was seventeen and he had to kill the most experienced and evil wizard in the world.

All these expectations. The pressure.

The world expected him to save it.

Draco expected him to be with him till the day they died. Which could be next week.

Why didn't he see it was the damn opposite?

He couldn't make their life brighter by putting darkness on it.

Draco was so broken between what his heart wanted and what his head wanted.

If Draco would just run away.

But he'd never do. For nothing.

Draco was a maze. And he would never reach the core. Even if Draco would let him.

What if they'd survive?

Be happy afterwards?

The sunrise was shining through the big windows.

Draco blinked happily at Harry.

„Draco we need to talk."

„What..."

„I was thinking last night. About the whole situation. About us. A lot."

„Well..."

„I love you Draco."

Draco kissed him softly. Touched his chest.

„I know. But it wasn't the subject of your tossing and turning last night, right?"

„Sweetheart, listen, when I'm with you I always feel as if I would betray my maxims. I don't want to say myself."

„You can't be serious. Harry, that's what love is all about. It's about giving and taking. It's about making compromises."

„I am serious my dear, I am. I know I can't expect you to leave the dark side to fight with me but I can expect you to take the time we spend more seriously."

„Do you think I waste your time?"

„No! No! Gosh...it's just you're always pretending to be wishless happy but you aren't. You always take it easy."

„You can't expect that from me. I can't be truly happy when I know that we could be seperated tomorrow. That's just natural. Anyway what's so wrong about taking our fucked up situation easy? That's my way of dealing with the issue. Acting as if our life was perfect. As if we could just get up to meet with some friends for lunch."

Harry burst out into tears.

„Harry...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."

„Draco please. I love you so much I can't let you be with them. I want you to be with us. The good side."

„The good side depends on the point of view. Harry, I can't."

„But you're as scared as I am."

„Harry please. It has to be that way. Otherwise we would be happy..."

„I would never betray you Harry. Nor any of your warriors but you cannot expect me to betray myself. We're both in the same fucked up situation."

Tears were still running down Harry's face.

„I know, Draco, I know"

„We want the impossible Harry. We're both selfish."

„We're both in love with each other."

„That's true."

He's beautiful.

Such a beautiful disaster.

FIN

OK guys, I hope you liked it!

Please leave a review. The „submit review" button is your friend!

Oh and please tell me my grammar mistakes and offer you to be my Beta the next time.

Ah, it's a One-Shot and I haven't planned to continue it.

EyesWideOpen1989

May 28th, 2006


End file.
